I know I have been absent for yet another month. Rather than giving you another post on the WHY, please just know it’s an even better, however for now, private, reason for being absent. Lord willing, I can write about many of the events of the last few weeks and be an encouragement to you when the time is right.
Though I am not yet at liberty to share a lot of details about my life over the past month in this forum, I can say that it has been the darkest valley we have ever faced in our lives, bar none. I can also say with confidence that GOD IS GOOD. He has blessed is unimaginable ways, has been around every dark corner, has been present in every unknown and has worked through the most unexpected people and circumstances. I am watching Him quite literally in front of me, exchange beauty for ashes, and it’s a wonderful thing.
His presence in this trial has made me keenly aware of my need for Him to be present in this trial.
Without Him, how would I have handled that tough interview I just had to go through? Without Him, how could I help my kids to understand what is going on? Without Him, how could I deal with this deep sense of loss, grief and betrayal? Without Him, how could I face the unknowns of tomorrow?
I have no desire to try. I have become as dependent upon Him as a little child over the past few weeks and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Being a mama, especially now that I’m, at least temporarily, a mama of five, it is striking just how much my kids ask me for help – for something to drink, help with tying shoes, buttoning pants, food, finding stuff, to read a book, something to drink again, helping with homework, intervention with a sibling… Oh yeah! More food. Quite frankly, up until this last month, I’d get annoyed.
OK, seriously…I am IN THE PROCESS of making dinner and they ask for food.
I have their clothes in my hand, mouth open to say, “Here are your clothes for today,” and they say, “Mom, can I have some clothes to wear?”
The car has just been placed in park, the keys are not out of the ignition and the toddler is yelling, “OUT!”
Being the mama of adopted and foster kiddos, I have tried hard to NOT be annoyed with all the asking because deep down, I know that it is simply because they have gone so long without their needs being met. They are truly compelled to remind me constantly of what they think they need, when they think they need it.
But here’s the mind-blowing part of what God has been showing me…I am the same way.
And crazier still, He wants me to bring my needs to Him!
Over the past three years of being a mama, I’ve tried earnestly to stop comparing myself to other mamas, but rather line myself up to God. Yes, He is the perfect parent, and I am not. But if anyone knows how to do it right, it’s Him.
I used to be confused when I would read Matthew 6:7-8, which says, “But when ye pray, use not vain repetitions, as the heathen do: for they think that they shall be heard for their much speaking. Be not ye therefore like unto them: for your Father knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask him.”
OK, so if He already knows it all, why should I even bother to tell Him?
Yet, scripture tells us He does want us to ask.
Luke 11:9-10 says, “And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.”
So why in the world would the God of the universe, Who sees all, hears all, created all, need me to tell Him what I need?
Here’s the thing – He doesn’t!
But I do.
The two scriptures above are not contradictory. He’s saying that He doesn’t want us to come to Him because we feel we have to, like teenage eye rolling have to…but because we have to, like ‘You are the only one that can meet my need!’ have to!
He’s fully secure in knowing what He can do for me. It doesn’t annoy Him when I constantly come to Him asking for help. He doesn’t feel threatened that I don’t trust Him enough when I remind Him that I really need to find a way to pay that doctor bill. He likes to hear me ask for help when I plan my meals. He delights in helping me find my keys or my husband’s wallet. He doesn’t say, “Sorry, I already helped you with that once and you were irresponsible enough to lose it again, so you’re on your own.”
Every time I come to Him, I am acknowledging Him as my SOURCE! And there is deep settled security in that.
Every time I come to Him for anything, big or small (and by the way, it’s all small to Him,) I get to see Him work. Because He does.
The more I come to Him, the more prayers He can answer. When you have more places to point back to where you can say, “God helped me find my husband’s wallet,” (He did recently, so it’s on my mind!) or “My Heavenly Father put food on our table when we had no money coming in,” or, “Jesus healed my sick kiddo,” the more likely you are to know He’ll do it again…and again…and again…
And with that knowledge, you will fall more deeply in love with Jesus than ever before.
I told my hubby the other night that I was so exponentially more in love with the Lord than I was in the days prior to this trial that I could hardly contain myself. He replied, “And just think…we’re still only engaged to Him! Think of what our love for Him will be like when we’re in Heaven with Him. FINALLY!”
So, weary mama, in reality, we can, and should be thrilled that our kiddos come to us for every little thing. They know who their source is. It’s you and me. They know that if they ask, they’ll get it. The more they ask, the more you and I can meet the need and foster that much-needed security they so desperately need.
Then ultimately, we can point them to our Source, which is the greatest joy a mama can have. So be encouraged and be blessed in this high calling.
Blessings and much love,